Explore how to navigate the emotional toll of infertility with self-care, coping strategies, and support that fosters strength and healing.

The desire to have children is deeply personal, shaped by culture, family expectations, personal values and life experiences. While some people choose not to have children, others face unexpected fertility challenges. The path to parenthood can be unpredictable and is one of the most emotional experiences a person can face. Whether you are just beginning or already started on this journey, you need support and guidance to be sure you are taking good care of your emotional health.  

For those struggling to conceive, the impact of infertility can be profound. There are highs and lows requiring navigation through much uncertainty. We often overlook the intense stress and anxiety and don't recognize how significantly it is affecting our well-being. It sometimes helps to look at this using the analogy of a journey through a rugged landscape. The path is not always clear, and the terrain can be challenging and exhausting when obstacles seem impossible. Like any journey, finding a comfortable and sustainable pace to avoid injury, taking breaks to recharge when needed, and seeking support from others along the way are vital.  

In this article, we’ll explore how fertility challenges impact emotional well-being and offer strategies to help manage the stress and anxiety that people often experience. We'll talk about common sources of emotional strain, explore coping mechanisms and discuss the importance of having a strong support system – including when to seek professional help to prioritize your well-being. It’s important to understand that a fertility journey isn’t something that you have to navigate alone but that caring for your mental health can make a world of difference in ensuring you approach it with more resilience.  

Understanding the emotional toll of infertility  

Fertility struggles bring about a complex mix of emotions. The stress, anxiety, frustration, guilt, depression, loss and grief that couples experience can be mentally exhausting. Depending on where you are on your journey, you can find your feelings regularly fluctuating between hopefulness and despair. Much of this is related to vulnerability and the unknown:  you can feel “anxious and fearful of undergoing the process” itself but also have increased anxiety and even begin to develop depression when treatment cycles fail.1 Being open to setting a plan to explore alternative scenarios to explore how to become a parent if "initial treatments don't work" can help couples reduce relationship strain.2  

It's also important to recognize that everyone processes emotions differently. Your fertility treatment experiences will simultaneously affect you as an individual and as part of a couple, often creating an emotional disconnection between partners. Arranging for mental health care is critical to be able to prevent burnout and provide relief against long-term emotional and relationship strain. When the deep emotions the fertility process stirs up are actively treated with medication and therapy, it can reduce the degree and depth of depression and anxiety someone may experience and even give you favourable conditions for a successful pregnancy.3   

While you may feel supportive of each other and be working hard to manage the highs and lows of fertility treatments together, individually, each person in the relationship can be experiencing a very different range of emotions that are deeply personal. The experience can affect self-esteem and lead to feelings of failure. For example, as someone who is undergoing medical treatments associated with infertility, you may find it challenging to spend time around family members and friends with children, but your partner may not share those feelings and instead find it refreshing and supportive. It is okay for your partner to “feel and cope differently than you.”4 You can feel isolated and unsupported in your experience, even though you have a supportive partner.   

Allowing yourself the opportunity to express your feelings as they come and not invalidate them because of perceived societal pressures is a way to maintain your mental health and preserve a healthy relationship. Seeking therapy, joining support groups, or working with fertility counsellors can help you and your partner manage stress more productively, reducing stress and improving your emotional well-being.   

Identifying pressure points – common sources of stress and anxiety  

The emotional and psychological burden that fertility challenges introduce can be difficult to navigate, making the journey feel like an endless emotional rollercoaster. Each new treatment cycle brings excitement and hope, fear and anxiety as progress is monitored, disappointment and grief after failed cycles, and frustration and exhaustion as the process is repeated.   

Waiting for test results and learning about outcomes, plus monitoring ovulation cycles, can all increase stress and affect mental health. The uncertainty of whether treatments will work can lead to obsessive thinking and difficulty focusing on daily life. The Society For Assisted Reproductive Technology shared that “patients have rated the stress of undergoing IVF as more stressful than or almost as stressful as any other major life event, such as the death of a family member or separation or divorce.”5   

The cost of treatment adds additional anxiety and can increase financial stress, cause relationship strain and introduce additional pressure. The estimated costs of one fertility treatment cycle can range between $7700 and $11000.6 Required medication alone often represents up to 50% of the cost – between $2000 to $6000.7 While funding may be available through provincial or private health insurance plans, “in some cases, it takes more than one IVF [In Vitro Fertilization] cycle to get pregnant.”8  The best approach to understanding the financial burden is to review the details of your coverage to get clarification. If insurance is unavailable, people can be forced to take out loans or use credit or savings to fund fertility treatments.   

Medical procedures themselves can take a physical and emotional toll. Hormone treatments can cause side effects such as mood swings, fatigue, and nausea. Some people can begin to feel like they lack control over their bodies. When treatments don’t work, feelings of guilt can surface, even though the success of the treatments is largely out of the patient’s hands.   

Societal and self-imposed pressures and the weight of expectations are also significant. Cultural and family expectations can add to feelings of inadequacy and failure. Inevitably, unsolicited advice and insensitive comments made about fertility amplify distress. Having people tell you to “just relax and then you will conceive” is largely based on anecdotes of women who stopped fertility treatment and then became pregnant.9 However, it is not helpful and implies that “a woman’s emotional distress is somehow responsible for treatment failure.”10  Social media can be another trigger, as jealous feelings can arise when observing others on fertility journeys or who are pregnant. Finally, dealing with common myths and misconceptions about fertility can be confusing and exhausting. Inaccuracies such as being older than 35 when trying to conceive to wearing tight underwear can thankfully be proven wrong scientifically.11   

Coping mechanisms to manage stress  

Mindfulness practices and stress reduction techniques can be beneficial when trying to improve your emotional resilience.   

You can try:   

  • Breathing exercises  

  • Completing a body scan where you focus on progressive muscle relaxation  

  • Journaling  

  • Engaging in hobbies and creative outlets like planting a garden, painting, or enjoying music   

It can also be “cathartic” to write letters to your hoped-for baby to express emotions and process grief.12   

Understanding that fertility treatments don’t always work on the first attempt and setting realistic expectations and boundaries before treatment begins can be an excellent way to manage and cope. One patient recommended acknowledging that hope and fear can exist on the same plane. She stated that she was “hopeful this cycle will work” while at the same time being afraid that it will not.13 It was comforting to realize that "both are true, and [she could] carry them together.”14   

It's also important to take breaks when needed. Stepping away from treatment to regain mental clarity and reset emotionally is an act of self-care. It relieves the constant cycle of medical appointments and procedures and gives time to reflect and gain perspective. It isn’t giving up, but it is about recovering strength and preserving mental health.  

Remember to focus on what you can control – your emotional well-being, how you approach self-care, self-compassion and become more emotionally resilient. Setbacks are bound to happen during this experience. However, it is important to understand that your fertility does not define your worth and you should avoid blaming yourself; instead encourage kindness through positive self-talk.  

When to seek professional help  

Having a strong network to tap into during the experience matters. It can provide much needed emotional support and allow you to talk about your fears and frustrations which can have positive effects on your well-being. Recognize when you are feeling overwhelmed because it is all too much to manage, and seek professional support from therapists or counsellors who specialize in infertility-related issues. The fertility treatments and medications “adversely influence mental health and well-being, resulting in higher levels of depression.”15 Working with mental health professionals can help you discover new coping strategies and put them into practice. It’s essential to ensure you have psychological support during difficult times in your journey.   

Developing patience and self-compassion to help build resilience through your fertility journey  

Focus on little victories and acknowledge all progress along the way, no matter how small it may seem. Fertility treatments lead down a long and challenging road. Being patient and kind to yourself will help you navigate setbacks and all the highs and lows. Be open to reflection and re-evaluation of goals along the way. Consider how you might respond to unsolicited advice or invasive questions while maintaining boundaries that help you stay emotionally safe while attempting to keep meaningful relationships intact.  

The impact on long-term well-being   

Addressing your stress and anxiety during fertility treatments is not just important now. There are long-term benefits regardless of the outcomes you experience on your journey. Acknowledging how to manage stress, when to seek support, and how to prioritize mental health care helps you develop healthier emotional coping strategies for present and future life changes.  

While embarking on a fertility journey can be challenging, taking care of your mental well-being is just as important as the medical and physical process. When you have the proper support and are realistic about the challenges, you can apply coping strategies and self-compassion. Growing with strength and hope, no matter the outcome, can help you realize that your well-being matters.  

References:

  1. Lewis, R. (medically reviewed by Jelinek, J.). (2022 April 27). How Fertility Treatment May Affect Your Mental Health. Healthline. Retrieved February 22, 2025 from https://www.healthline.com/health/infertility/mental-health-during-fertility-treatment  

  2. Silver, Dr. Nazanin (2025). What I Tell My Patients About Mental Health and Infertility. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists.  Retrieved February 22, 2025 from https://www.acog.org/womens-health/experts-and-stories/the-latest/what-i-tell-my-patients-about-mental-health-and-infertility  

  3. Ibid.  

  4. American Psychiatric Association. (2019 April 17). Infertility:  The Impact of Stress and Mental Health. Retrieved February 22, 2025 from https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/infertility-the-impact-of-stress-and-mental-health  

  5. Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology. (n.d). Preparing for IVF:  Emotional Considerations. SART. Retrieved February 22, 2025 from https://www.sart.org/patients/a-patients-guide-to-assisted-reproductive-technology/general-information/preparing-for-ivf-emotional-considerations/  

  6. Bhattacharjee, S., Dr. (2021 October 1). IVF Cost in Canada | Fertility Treatment Cost in Canada.  Fertility World. Retrieved February 22, 2025 from https://fertilityworld.in/blog/ivf-cost-in-canada-fertility-treatment-cost-in-canada/#:~:text=The%20approximate%20inclusive%20cost%20of,varies%20from%20clinic%20to%20clinic.  

  7. Ibid.   

  8. Ibid.   

  9. Nicoloro-SantaBarbara, J., Busso, C., Moyer, A., Lobel, M. (2018 September). Just relax and you’ll get pregnant? Meta-analysis examining women’s emotional distress and the outcome of assisted reproductive technology. Science Direct:  Social Science & Medicine. Retrieved February 22, 2025 from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953618303411  

  10. Ibid.  

  11. Gilmour, P. (2025 February 15). From overly tight underwear to conceiving after 35 – experts bust fertility myths. The Guardian. Retrieved February 23 from https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/feb/15/common-fertility-myths-busted  

  12. Jager-Skigen, B. (n.d.) Grieving and Growing. Resolve: The National Infertility Association. Retrieved February 23, 2025 from https://resolve.org/get-help/helpful-resources-and-advice/managing-infertility-stress/grieving-and-growing/  

  13. Das Gupta, S.F., Dr. (2025 February 14). Approaching IVF With Hope and Fear. Psychology Today. Retrieved February 23, 2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/creating-2-pink-lines/202502/approaching-ivf-with-hope-and-fear  

  14. Ibid.  

  15. Muller, R.T., Dr. (2024 January 12). Infertility Is an Enormous Stressor on Mental Health. Psychology Today. Retrieved February 22, 2025 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/talking-about-trauma/202312/infertility-is-an-enormous-stressor-on-mental-health