Self-Compassion: Steps you can take to improve your mental health

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When life feels heavy, many of us respond by being harder on ourselves. We push through exhaustion, dismiss our feelings, or tell ourselves to “do better” instead of slowing down. While this approach might feel right in the moment, it often comes at a cost to our mental health.

By contrast, when we see a colleague who looks overwhelmed or exhausted, our instinct is usually to respond with understanding. We offer patience, encouragement, or a simple “That sounds like a lot.” Yet when we’re the ones struggling, many of us take a very different approach.

This gap between how we treat others and how we treat ourselves is where self-compassion comes in. Self-compassion offers a different way forward. It involves responding to challenges with the same understanding, patience, and care we’d naturally extend to someone else who is going through a hard time. Research shows that self-compassion is linked to lower stress, reduced anxiety and depression, greater emotional resilience, and improved overall well-being.

Self-compassion can be learned and strengthened with practice, like any other skill. In this article, we explore what self-compassion really means, why it matters for mental health, and practical steps you can take to bring more of it into your daily life.

What is Self-Compassion?

At its core, self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness when things are difficult, rather than responding with harsh self-criticism or avoidance.

Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in this area, describes self-compassion as having three key components:

• Self-kindness – responding to yourself with care and understanding instead of judgment

• Common humanity – recognizing that struggle, mistakes, and setbacks are part of being human

• Mindful awareness – noticing difficult thoughts and emotions without suppressing or exaggerating them

Together, these elements create a more balanced and supportive inner response to stress. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” self-compassion shifts the question to, “What do I need right now?”

How Self-Compassion Supports Your Mental Health

We tell ourselves that pushing harder, setting high expectations, or pointing out our own flaws will help us perform better or avoid mistakes. In reality, constant self-judgment often does the opposite. It can increase stress, fuel anxiety, and make it harder to cope with challenges. Over time, this inner pressure can drain energy, undermine confidence, and leave us feeling stuck or overwhelmed — even when we’re trying our best.

Self-compassion supports mental health in several important ways:

• Reduces stress and emotional overload by calming the nervous system

• Builds emotional resilience, making it easier to recover from setbacks

• Encourages healthier coping strategies instead of avoidance or self-blame

• Improves self-esteem without relying on perfection or external validation

People who practice self-compassion are more likely to take responsibility for mistakes, seek help when needed, and persist through difficulty—not because they’re being hard on themselves, but because they feel supported from within.

Common Myths About Self-Compassion

Before exploring how to practice self-compassion, it can help to address a few common misunderstandings. Many of these beliefs develop over time as ways of coping, staying productive, or protecting ourselves in difficult environments. Releasing some of these beliefs can create space for more supportive ways of responding to stress.

“ Taking time for myself can feel uncomfortable at first—almost like I’m being lazy or letting myself off the hook.”

For many people, self-criticism has been a way to stay focused, meet expectations, or avoid mistakes. From this perspective, kindness toward oneself can feel risky. In reality, self-compassion supports growth rather than avoiding responsibility. When people feel safe and supported, they’re more likely to reflect honestly, learn from setbacks, and make meaningful changes — without the added weight of shame or pressure.

“I’ll lose motivation if I stop criticizing myself.”

It’s common to worry that easing up on self-criticism will lead to lower standards or reduced effort. Research suggests the opposite. Constant self-judgment can drain energy and increase fear of failure, making it harder to stay engaged. Self-compassionate people tend to be more motivated over time because they’re able to recover from setbacks, stay curious, and keep going without being overwhelmed by guilt or self-doubt.

“Other people have it worse — I shouldn’t feel this way.”

Many of us learn to minimize our own struggles, especially when we compare ourselves to others. While this instinct can come from empathy or gratitude, it can also prevent us from acknowledging our own needs. Pain isn’t a competition. Recognizing your own stress or emotional strain doesn’t take anything away from anyone else. Your experience still matters, and giving yourself permission to acknowledge it is an important part of caring for your mental health.

Signs You Might Be Lacking Self-Compassion

You don’t need to be constantly overwhelmed to benefit from more self-compassion. Some subtle signs include:

• A harsh inner voice after small mistakes

• Difficulty resting without guilt

• Feeling ashamed for needing help

• Comparing yourself negatively to others

• Minimizing your own stress or emotions

If any of this feels familiar, it’s a common experience. These patterns can shift over time with practice and intention.

Practical Steps to Build Self-Compassion

Self-compassion grows through small, intentional shifts rather than big personality changes. The steps below are designed to be realistic and flexible, even on busy or stressful days.

Notice How You Talk to Yourself

The way we speak to ourselves has a powerful impact on how we feel and cope. Start by paying attention to your inner dialogue, especially during stressful moments. Ask yourself:

• Would I say this to a friend or colleague?

• Is this voice helpful, or is it adding pressure?

Try this:

When you notice self-criticism, pause and rephrase it in a more supportive way. Instead of “I messed this up — I’m terrible at this,” try “This didn’t go as planned. That’s frustrating, and I can still learn from it.”

Acknowledge Difficulty Without Judgment

Self-compassion begins with recognizing that something is hard, without immediately trying to fix it or push it away.

This doesn’t mean getting stuck on the problem. It means giving yourself permission to say, “This is difficult right now.”

Try this:

When stress shows up, name it gently:

• “This is a tough day.”

• “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and that makes sense.”

Naming the experience can reduce emotional intensity and create space for a calmer response.

Recognize Common Experiences

Stress, self-doubt, and emotional struggles are part of being human — even if they don’t always show on the surface.

When challenges arise, it can help to remember that many others experience similar moments, even if their circumstances look different.

Try this:

Remind yourself:

• “I’m not the only one who feels this way.”

• “Struggling doesn’t mean I’m failing — it means I’m human.”

This simple shift can reduce feelings of isolation and self-blame.

Respond to Stress With Care, Not Control

During stressful periods, many people respond by tightening control: pushing harder, ignoring needs, or setting unrealistic expectations.

Self-compassion invites a different response — one based on care.

Try this:

Ask yourself:

• What would help me feel slightly steadier right now?

• Do I need rest, reassurance, movement, or connection?

Even small acts of care — a short walk, a glass of water, a deep breath — can support emotional balance.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Self-compassion includes recognizing limits and protecting your energy. It also means understanding that saying no, asking for space, or adjusting expectations isn’t selfish. These choices help you show up more present and grounded, rather than stretched thin or resentful.

This might mean:

• Saying no to additional tasks when capacity is low

• Taking breaks without apologizing

• Logging off at a reasonable time

Setting boundaries is a way of caring for your mental and emotional health.

Try this:

Practice neutral boundary language, such as:

• “I’m not able to take this on right now.”

• “I’ll need more time to respond.”

Practice Self-Compassion in Moments of Mistakes

Mistakes are often where self-criticism shows up most strongly. Instead of replaying what went wrong or labeling yourself, self-compassion encourages reflection without punishment. You can acknowledge what happened, consider what you might do differently next time, and then allow yourself to move forward without carrying shame or harsh self-talk with you.

Try this:

After a mistake, ask:

• What can I learn from this?

• What support or adjustment might help next time? 

This approach supports growth while reducing shame and emotional fatigue.

Build Short Self-Compassion Pauses Into Your Day

Self-compassion doesn’t require long meditation sessions or major lifestyle changes. Instead of pushing through stress or ignoring your body’s signals, self-compassion invites brief pauses that help you reset and check in with yourself. These moments can be short, simple, and woven into your day.

This might look like:

• Caring for your body, such as eating something nourishing, resting, stretching, or taking a short walk. Even small physical comforts can help reduce stress and bring a sense of steadiness.

• Offering yourself reassurance, especially during difficult moments. Think about what you would say to someone you care about who is going through a tough time, and try directing that same encouragement toward yourself.

• Writing a letter to yourself, especially after a difficult experience. You might describe what happened without assigning blame, and acknowledge how it affected you emotionally.

• Pausing to notice the present moment, even briefly. A few slow breaths or a short mindfulness exercise can help you stay grounded and create space for acceptance.

Try this: 

During a stressful moment, pause and gently bring your attention back to the present. You might try a brief grounding or breathing exercise, such as:

• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.

• Slow breathing: Inhale through your nose for a count of four, then exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six. Repeat a few times. 

These short pauses can help settle the nervous system and encourage more supportive self-talk over time.

Self-Compassion at Work

Workplaces can be a common source of pressure, comparison, and self-judgment. Deadlines, performance expectations, and constant feedback can make it easy to be hard on yourself, especially during busy or uncertain periods. Practicing self-compassion at work may involve:

• Letting go of perfection when it’s not realistic

• Recognizing effort, not just outcomes

• Asking questions instead of assuming failure

• Give yourself permission to use wellness or personal days

These practices support emotional balance and reduce burnout. With self-compassion, people can show up to work with more clarity, resilience, and energy in a way that lasts.

When Self-Compassion Feels Difficult

For some people, self-compassion can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if they’re used to relying on self-criticism to cope.

If kindness toward yourself feels forced or unnatural:

• Start small

• Use neutral language instead of positive affirmations

• Focus on actions (rest, boundaries, support) rather than words

With practice, self-compassion often becomes more natural and accessible.

Reaching Out for Support

Self-compassion can also mean recognizing when extra support might help. Speaking with a mental health professional can offer a safe, supportive space to explore stress, self-criticism, and ways of coping that feel more manageable. Through your Employee and Family Assistance Program (EFAP), confidential support is available 24/7 for you and your family, offering practical strategies to help strengthen emotional well-being and manage stress.

References

Harvard Medical School (12 February 2021) 4 Ways to Boost Your Self-Compassion. Harvard Health Publishing. Accessed 22 December 2025

Moore C (2 June 2019) How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 techniques and tips. PositivePsychology.com. Accessed 22 December 2025

Neff K (23 June 2015) Self-Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow Paperbacks

Saltzman A (21 December 2025) When You Are Suffering, Offer Yourself Compassion. Psychology Today. Accessed 22 December 2025